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| | - If the pen$s had a label what would it say?
- Shake well before each use!!!!
Two robbers enter a bank and cry “this is a robbery!” One is the leader and the other is the assistant. The leader climbs on to the counter and with an machine gun in his arms, instructs his assistant:
- Make everyone stand in the corner with their hands raised.
- And the old lady as well, boss? (a 110 year-old granny)
- HER as well you wanker!
Then he tells him:
- Star kicking them till they bleed!
- The old lady too, boss?
- The old lady TOO, jackass!
Later once again:
- Strip all the women so I can rape them!
- The old lady too, boss?
- THE OLD LADY TOO JACKASS, says the old lady!
A homo tells his friend:
- Would you like to play hide-n-seek? If you find me you can f#ck me, if not, I’ll be under the staircase!!!
A man and a woman go to a sexologist for a therapy session. The man says to the doctor, "I want you to observe us while we make love." The sexologist accepts.
After having sex, the doctor charges them $50, and tells them that there is nothing wrong in their relationship.
A week later, the same couple shows up at the sexologist's office, they make love, and the doctor charges them $50 and tells them again that there is still nothing wrong in their relationship.
This continues for another month. The sexologist is baffled why they keep coming back. He finally asks them, "What exactly are you looking for?"
The man replies, "We are actually looking for nothing. There is nothing wrong with our sex life. She's married, so we can't go to her place. I'm also married, so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90 for one night, and the Hilton Hotel charges $110. We do it here for $50, and my insurance reimburses me $43."
Two friends converse
- Do you have nude photos of your wife?
- No...
- Would you like some??
After a few years of married life, a man finds that he unable to perform sexually. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things, but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him: "This is all in your mind" and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits, the shrink confesses: "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor says: "I can cure this." He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says: "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '1, 2, 3' and it shall rise for as long as you wish."
The guy then asks the witch doctor: "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says: "All you or your partner has to say is '1, 2, 3, 4' and it will go down. But be warned; it will not work again for a year."
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says: "1, 2, 3" and suddenly he gets an erection.
His wife turns over and says: "Why did you say '1, 2, 3' for?"
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An assortment of vulgar jokes