In a court of law
Joke archive1. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.
2. Q: What gear were you in at the moment
of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it
affect your memory at
all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect
your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
that you've forgotten?
4. Q: How old is your son, the one living
with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I
can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
5. Q: What was the first thing your
husband said to you when
he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I,
Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
6. Q: And where was the location of the
accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and
500.
7. Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I
think.
8. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school
for it.
9. Q: Do you know if your daughter has
ever been involved in
voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
10. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the
defendant, were your red
and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when
she got out of her
car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
11. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it
until the next morning?
12. Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old,
how old is he?
13. Q: Were you present when your picture was
taken?
14. Q: Was it you or your younger brother who
was killed in
the war?
15. Q: Did he kill you?
16. Q:
How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the
collision?
17. Q: You were there until the time you
left, is that true?
18. Q: How many times have you committed
suicide?
19. Q: So the date of conception (of the
baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that
time?
20. Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
21. Q: You say the stairs went down to the
basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up
also?
22. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather
elaborate honeymoon,
didn't you?
A:
I went to Europe, Sir.
Q:
And you took your new wife?
23. Q: How was your first marriage
terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it
terminated?
24. Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had
a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
25. Q: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to
your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go
to work.
26. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you
performed on dead
people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on
dead people.
27. Q: All your responses must be oral,
OK? What school did
you go to?
A: Oral.
28. Q: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30
p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the
time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was
doing an autopsy.
29. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
30. Q: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still
been alive
nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have
been alive and
practicing law somewhere.
